Just like that

The other day I was chatting with Abhilash . We were discussing about life after college and some crappy stuff like that. I told that after having wasted most of our youth in this college doing nothing, we must do something fun. Then I suddenly came up with this marvelous idea . I suggested that we must have 10 girlfriends . We’ll start this activity when we are 25 years of age and continue till 35. After that we will become eligible to become the president of India (to become the president one must be 35 years ) . So in one term I can become president and he the vice president , in another term we can swap positions and continue like this until we are 65 or 70 . I tried to build the excitement by saying that if either of us became the president we could make India free of corruption , enforce laws , make amendments and on top of all of that the president gets a salary of nearly a lakh + free housing+free groceries+servants+car + invitation to all the big parties/plays/concerts in town . Power is like a seductive mistress. Power makes you humble, gentle or it can also make you greedy and hungry. Abhilash then said that it isn’t good to cheat girls .He wasn’t interested in becoming the president too. He would rather write java scripts, work on some android applications for Google. Okay not a bad idea I thought. If he works for Google, then he’s kindhearted enough to distribute T shirts and other freebies to me . He is also good at winning quizzes so more T shirts every month. Yes, he’s damn good at quizzing. Yesterday he won a quiz contest. So someone asked me as to what I did to which I replied ‘I watched him win’. I imagined that every time I go to the marketplace / reliance fresh for vegetable shopping young kids will look at the Google logo on the shirt and say ‘Here arrives the search engine’ .


After this I had to think of other great ideas. Now this placement thing is really frustrating. Everyone in our college acts super cocky .. Initially when I joined college I thought , I’ll work really hard , become the darling of all the teachers out there, then do a post grad in some Ivy league college , hook up with someone over there , manufacture child prodigies who’ll get their post docs by the age of 18 and we can be on the poster of Karan Johar’s next movie ‘We are an educated family’ . Okay now there’s always Tier 3 na???After I read a few blogs about people in Infosys I got to know that it’s really tough to survive over there. They train you for 3 months and then there’s an elimination process . Those 3 months are going to be like a 9th semester .Even if you manage to get through over there , later they are going to beat the shit out of you


Next idea was suicide. Wow I’m obsessed with this thought of suicide for quite some time now. In fact I first thought about this when I was in class 7 and I read in the newspapers that a boy of class 10 had committed suicide . I thought that if I were to commit suicide at that age , I’d be creating history as the youngest person ever to achieve such a great feat. The sad part was that I wouldn’t be there to watch people shower praises on me for this very brave act . So is suicide an amicable solution??? I’d say NO . You aren’t guaranteed of a seat in heaven .If you fail in your attempts to commit suicide then the police is going to catch hold of you . Going to jail isn’t a cause of major concern or anything but then you’ll have to interact with the goons over there . You won’t have a common topic for discussion . Ever thought if those hardcore criminals would know ‘Why Arnab Goswami always wears a black suite , why not grey , navy blue or off-white?’ . The criminals would be least interested in talking about this


I always feared that my huge body weight would hamper the chances of a perfect suicide and I’s have to end up being paralysed for the rest of my life . I decided to join a gym in these holidays not because it’ would help me in my endeavor of achieving my childhood dream but only because I had nothing else to do in the holidays . Everyone else had gone to IISc , tech majors to do internships/projects .Since the auto fare had been raised to minimum of Rs 17 , I thought travelling expenses will burn a deep hole in my pocket . So I went to the gym .Gyms are of 3 types . The first kind are the kind of one’s which is a birthplace for local goons and rowdies , the second where the middle class morons join thinking that they are going to become the next John Abhraham , the third where John Abraham actually works out . I joined the 2nd type . Here I met an aerobics instructor . I decided to call her ’ Small’ because she looked like one of those thin, short sticks that we use to shoo away street dogs. I never got to know her real name till the end. She suggested that I join aerobics classes . I felt that moving my flabby body ,early in the morning is a very hard task and said that ‘I can always switch on the TV , watch priyanka chopra dancing and dance like that. I don’t require aerobics’ (anyway I wasn’t going to do that). ‘Small’ then started telling about how she quit her work as a project manager in HCL and is flowing her passion in dancing, aerobics / fitness training and she told that everyone should do whatever he or she is interested in.

Inspired by this rather long advise of ‘Small’ , I thought that I should follow my calling and try become a writer/journalist but these jobs don’t guarantee good money and it is difficult to find a job unless you don’t have contacts . So what future plans??


Every problem has a solution , I will marry a techie who is going to make a hell lot of dough . I’ll become a freelance journalist.
I actually worked as a freelance journalist in 4th sem holidays . On the net I met someone who had been assigned a job of churning out articles on some specified topics , she gave me the subcontract for doing this and I actually made 2500 Rs in 20 days . Then this girl started pressurizing me , started giving deadlines and I had other work to do , college started . She dint make the payment on time twice so I stopped working under her . I even threw dung in to her farm and sent a black pig in to her farm on farmville to unleash my anguish .
Yea coming back to this new venture , I’ll become a freelance journalist , sit at home , prepare food ,take care of the kids basically lead a stressful life. Then with my meager earnings we can buy maggi,curds,newspapers, fruits and vegetables whereas with my wife’s earning we can buy other things like villas,luxury apartments and high end cars. If some Women’s empowerment organization members happen to read my blog they’ll come and beat me up . These ‘Naari shakthi zindaabad’ organizations are a group of boisterous women who believe in male bashing. Finally my wife will dump me calling me useless . I’m going to booze , become a faggot and spend whatever money is left with me . Finally I will join some home for the poor and the downtrodden . I’ll suffer from this funny disease called TB where I’ll start coughing all day and night . I’m going to shout ‘Water, Water’ but then no one will bother to listen thinking that this lunatic speaks stupid stuff like this all day long .


At the end when I am mentally preparing myself for a painful lonely death , someone will come and make a movie on my life and it’ll be showcased at Cannes and Oscars and I’ll become a star overnight .I’ll become the new Tulsi Virani of prime time television and young boys will compete against each other in trying to become as depressed as me. Okay enough of narcissism I hate it when optimism creeps in suddenly from nowhere but it kind of makes you happy . This wife who dumped me is going t call me back because of all the money. Now should I go back or not . Life once again poses shitty questions and leaves you in a dilemma!!!!


PS: THANKS for going through this. It is just an amalgamation of random thoughts. It’s been quite some time since I have written something so the ideas are a bit garbled . Comments ,suggestions and criticism invited