Definetly Arnab

Arnab Goswami replaced Pikachu as the weirdest character on Indian television . Second on the list was Nakusha (aka Nakku) . Pikachu was disappointed as he had to move 3 slots below the numero uno position that he held till date. When asked about how he felt on winning this prestigious award Arnab replied ‘The competition was very stiff , but my black suits did better than her dark skin. No offences meant . I am a huge fan of Nakku and it gives me Goosebumps when I watch a serial where women wake up in silk sarees and a gun in their hands.She has done a wonderful thing by marrying a local goon .Go for the kill girl!’ .

This day went down in history as a ‘Black day’ and Arnab celebrated it with Black forest cakes , black coffee and black current ice creams. Congratulatory messages were pouring in on Arnab’s facebook page and the Times Now website .For the first time in a month or so the TCS placement website dint show the famous ‘system under heavy load’ sign. An elated Ratan Tata sarcastically said ‘ Students had pinched , punched and squeezed our website . It’s finally got some time to recover. Thank you Arnab for providing some space on the net where students can park their asses’

Sashi Taroor tweeted ‘Kudos Amigo Arnab . I stumbled upon your channel by chance and watching you cover the news was like watching porn for the first time . It changed my life completely’ . The BJP spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad quickly reacted saying that ‘This is a very cheap , vulgar and very gay statement written with prurient interest and will do great harm to the nation’. An emergency meeting was held at 10 Janpath . Sonia, PM , Chidambaram , Pranab Mukherje , A K Antony , Manish tiwari arrived for this meeting . After 4 large pizzas , bottles of Gatorade , lots of Mishti Dahi , 3 games of housie housie and 7 hrs 43 mins of discussion they finally came to a conclusion . Speaking to the media Manish Tiwari had only 2 lines to say ‘Sahi Taroor has a very lousy sense of humor . Read his jokes at your own risk’

Meanwhile , the queue outside Arnab’s office had increased exponentially . The big boss inmates were allowed to have a quick darshan of Arnab. Mamata Banerjee had stood in the queue for nearly 4 hours . She then went to the loo .Mayawathi who was standing way behind illegally occupied her position . When Mamata finally came back a fight broke out between the two. What went on is as follows
Mamata: You came and occupied my position. How dare you so that?
Maya: Oh! Stop making silly allegations against me you silly girl
Mamata: A fat stomach never breeds fine thoughts.
Maya: You called me fat eh? Look at yourself you derailed train
Mamata: Shut up fluffy pig
Mamata pulled Maya’s hair
Mamata: What a hopeless haircut is this, you hair looks like a thin blade of grass in the middle of a desert
Maya: Yours is like that of a bunch of coriander leaves sold in the market for Rs 2
Mamata: You talk as though yours is like that of Jairam Ramesh's


Sashi taroor tweeted again ‘Watching the live coverage on TV , I must admit Mamata looks wonderful in spikes’ . The BJP accused Sashi of doing this in an attempt to woo Maya and collect more funds for the Kochi IPL team

For the first time in a decade or so , Arnab had to face the questions from prominent personalities from all walks of life . Questions on a wide range of topics which included his early education days , his life as a reporter , an anchor , passion for news , his hobbies , games that he plays etc
Suresh Kalmadi who was standing in the queue asked Arnab ‘Why was sea water salty?’ Aranb was in a state of shock . Kalmadi was happy that he could embarrass the man who had beaten the shit out of him in full public view. Arnab did not give up . He replied


‘When income tax officials came running behind
Mr. Koda drove to the sea shore in his skoda
to god he prayed “Life isn’t at its usual ease
please bring back all the peace”
God gifted him a magic wand
Soon, his aides came in Audis and Ferraris
and brought along with them pots of money
Koda , the poster boy of the world of crooks
The wand in his hand, he shook
Surprise!! Surprise!!!
All his processions turned in to salt
and in order to leave no trace of anything
“I will put everything back to the sea” Koda thought

Even today , Mr Koda is pouring the slat back in to the sea . This explains why sea water is salty’
‘The same thing is going to happen to you Mr Kalmadi ‘ he said with a wicked wink
All the journalists were stunned . Parle G manufacturers impressed by Arnab’s wit , timing and sense of humor offered him a million dollars to have his face on their biscuit packet wrappers