Conversation between me and Hungry Gorilla (HG)
Me : Hi wassup?
HG : Hi , nothing much . You tell
Me : Bored , I want to do something different . Fly like the birds, from here to Siberia and come back, build nests, go in between the clouds. As of now I lead a pretty mundane life
HG: So then?
Me: So then, nothing . 50 over cricket is passé , Noodles are instant , Oats is catching up quickly , Shiva is overrated
HG : Shiva is overrated?
Me : I feel like that , he looks powerful but I suppose he was confused in between being a family man and building this god mafia . He wanted to be a leader. He was only good in histrionics and too much drama and stuff like drinking the poison and dancing (tandav nritya ) is too down market.
HG : Let’s leave it to him . He’s too busy to react to critics like you. Let’s stop blaming and criticizing people and do something different.
Me : Exactly , the big city is bad . Let’s go away to the forests and scream to our heart’s content . Eat the wild berries and the leaves , swim in the streams and ….
HG : After finishing all this when we return back to the city , we’ll have no jobs and we’ll go bankrupt. This idea is hopeless
Me : Is there any part of the country where there are a lot of hills?
HG: Uttarakhand
Me: Brilliant then , we’ll go to Uttarakhand and do animal husbandry . We’ll buy cows and sell milk
HG: How much will that cost?
Me: Google tells me that the price of a cow = no. of liters of milk the cow gives * 1000 . Meaning a cow that gives 25 liters of milk costs 25 thousand . So we can buy 4 cows for a lakh and then get 100 liters of milk. For every liter we can charge Rs 20 , we can make 2k per day , 60 k per month. With an initial investment of 2.5 -3 lakh for fodder and vaccination for the cows and getting a rented house in Uttarakhand ,we can break even in 7 or 8 months
HG : Brilliant idea , we will give some milk to the poor for free and ask them for grass and farm waste.
Me: Exactly , and then from our profits we can buy a few more cows
HG : We can also start a small processing unit where we can make butter and cheese
Me : Though that idea may seem a little far fledged i, we will at least have the satisfaction that we started something on our own and we are doing something for the poor
HG : That’s right . What will be do with so much money?
Me : We can buy crystal glasses and sell tea like how Paulo Cohelo had written in the Alchemist , people from the city will love the idea of drinking tea in the hills in crystal glasses . They’ll flock our shop and we can double it up as a bakery selling some homemade cookies and pastries. Rich people from the cities of facebook descent are easily gullible.
HG : and then??
Me : And then we’ll marry an innocent girl in the hills and stay in a happy cottage in the hills , we’ll sing along and celebrate . The girls in the city are arrogant and are fake.
HG : and then??
Me : We will think of expansion . We will buy goats and buffaloes and nice shelters for them . We will have that cheese and butter making unit . Later we can move to another hill and continue the same thing
HG : same story? Same 4 cows to start off with and after two or three years marry another innocent girl?
Me : To hell with your stupid jokes . Anyway when do we start off? When do we leave for Uttarakhand?
HG : You go dude, I’ll give all the moral support possible . I’ll visit you once in a while .
Me : Fuck you
HG : Get lost , bye
